"I was happier back then. Now I'm in complete mess."

I have chipped nails. Dry messy hair. I dress sloppyly and I'm makeupless most of the time.
I've been in complete mess eversince I started poly, and it's sad to see what I've become. So fragile, so weak and so sensitive. It's hard picking things up when all the barriers you had built serves you no purpose anymore. You're so helpless and no one is capable of helping you, not till you do it yourselves.

"the blood running through your veins is nothing compared to a drop of mine"
Remember that quote? Yes, I'm a very pompous person. From the way I potray myself to the way I feel about myself. I'll get pretty insulted if I am being compared to those girls on the street. And being a competitive person too, you have no idea how crazy I can be. But I've altered my personality too much till I forgotten who I am, how I feel about myself and what I think of myself just to fucking blend in. I've become too friendly, I've opened too much and I'm not the person I was three years ago. And that's sad considering how people been stooping so low just to bring me down.

Humans are judgemental creatures. That, no one could deny.
But it really bothers me when they start assuming. I'm rediscovering myself back, and that's when you'll see the line clearly. I'm sick of giving in, keeping quiet and letting people step all over me. It's been three fucking years, and it's really exhausting.


#1: Personality

Pardon me,
1. I don't scale a person by how rich, pretty or popular they are, just to befriend them. So please, keep calm and don't be swellheaded.
2. I don't need a man to provide me with material stuffs.
3. For whatever mistakes I've done in the past to the people from the past/present, I've done my part by apologizing. So if you don't get any and still think you deserve an apology from me, forget it. You're getting none. If silent treatment is what you giving me and ruining my reputation is your best friend, I'm fine with it.
4. If you're those hi-bye friends, friends or whatever, you still have no rights to make any assumptions of me. In short, please don't make assumptions. I really abhor it.
5. If you gonna play with fire, just remember, with me, you gonna get burned.

I've made myself clear here. I'm through with this shit.
Don't blame me for being me. You treat me like shit, you jollywell be prepared to be treated the same.
Mutual respect, that's the only thing I asking for.

Oh one more thing, I'm a person with a good well behaved demeanor.
You know you've reached the brim when I start using filthy language. So I beg you, please be gracious and courteous.


#2: Image

As said, I haven't been taking care of myself. I don't go for hair treatment once a month eversince poly starts. My nails are either chipped or in un-buffed. I get super annoyed with myself when I have make-up on my face. I've been super sloppy and it really bothers me cause I feel like I'm belittling myself. Which I am currently aware that I am already in a disastrous situation with the the exploding malfunction wardrobe. I'll put a stop and this gotta change before 2012.

1. I need to clear my wardrobe soon.
2. Under the influence of mom, I'm crazy over high-quality/satin blouses. Thus, I'm digging for nice blouses online (which is already in my shopping cart) and in town too.
3. I need to start wearing acceptable amount of make-up and try not get the face naked in public.
4. Eat healthily and exercise regularly.
5. I need to do real shopping pronto. From shoes, bags, blouses, shirts to bottoms. I need to get rid of the ugly bad quality clothings I've been feeding my wardrobe with for the past few years.


#3: Etc

People change. In my case, I'm changing back to who I was.
If the shoe size doesn't fit yours, then nothing can be done. It's not plausible for me to be someone I'm not and had to suck everything in with/without any benefits gained on my side. Cause at end of the day, I'm not myself and I'm not happy. Therefore, if the haughty me is an eye sore to you, then I'm sorry. That's just me and I'm accepting myself. (: